So Your Significant Other has Horses...?

Photo Credit:  Sherry J Photography

Looks like it's time for me to interject myself into the blog, it has been a while!  Hopefully, you all liked my last blog post title "Horse Hubby (or HSO) Basics aka Farm Life Hacks."  It's been almost a year since that post and hopefully it has been helpful to some of you.  Lately, I have ben getting suggestions to open a Horse Dad/Hubby/Significant Other school to teach new people about horse stuff.  Of course this was in jest, but I keep getting the suggestion, so maybe there is something to it.  I am writing this from a guy/horse dad perspective, so please, take no offense to me saying horse dad or hubby.  This "guide" can apply to both men and women, but it's easier for me to write it this way.  Got to throw it out there because it is 2018, and well, it's just polite.

Let me start off with saying this:  you can't make someone get involved with the horse life who doesn't want to be a part of it.  You can't teach someone who has zero interest in learning.  If this is extremely important to you, that you have someone who is as equally invested into the horse community as you are, you might need to find someone who already is.  Again, you can't make people do something they don't want to do.

So you have someone that has the willingness to learn and meet you halfway, what do you do?  First thing, he/she needs to follow Horse Hubby on Facebook and listen to the podcasts.  It's somewhat of a support group that mainly has guys who live with or are married to a crazy horse lady (yes, you are crazy horse people).

Now, the best thing you can possibly do is learn nomenclature.  That will get you about 60% of the way in the horse world and it will impress your Other Half.  I had to learn most of this the hard way, by spending time at horse shows and listening to what announcers were saying, eavesdropping on instructors teaching, and admittedly, YouTube.  You don't need to make comments about riders such as "she needs to have silky reins and not have a death grip," or "she needs to hug her horse with her legs."  That's trainer talk, not horse dad talk.  Now, you can say "that's a good looking trot, canter, etc.." and you will be right most of the time.  I think for the first year I was with Stacey I stared back at her with a blank expression when she would tell me something along the lines of fixing the bend or a horse getting flat over a fence.

I pretty much knew only four things about horses when we started dating:  which end the food comes in, which end the food comes out, riders sit somewhere on the back, and they like carrots.  If you don't know these four things then please message me on Facebook and we can do one-on-one lessons.  When your Other Half is riding, you should know at a minimum the difference between walk, trot, canter, and gallop.  It's kind of hard for me to describe what to look for in the differences in this post, but YouTube is a great resource.

When it's not riding time, it's barn time.  This is where it's your time to shine.  There is a lot of nomenclature for this part, and a lot of stuff you can take charge of or help with.  Brushes:  there are a ton of varieties, but you need to really only know the differences between two.  One is a curry, and the rest are brushes.  I don't care what anyone else tells you, these are all brushes and if you are asked to hand one, you need to ask which one.  If your horse lady says the one with the wooden handle, you hand her the one with the wooden handle.  Easy peasy.  If you are really smart, you buy her a grooming bag with a horse grooming kit and when she asks for something, you lift the bag within reach because she is probably standing on a small ladder and you will earn just as many kudo points without really knowing which one she is asking for.

Washing a horse:  have you ever washed a car?  It's the same thing.  Start at the top and work your way down.  You could Google how to wash a car and pretend every time it says car, they mean horse.  Now odds are you are probably going to have your significant other step in and take over, or redo something.  THAT'S OKAY!  Horse women are extremely picky when it comes to the cleanliness of a horse.  Do you know how many things we have that keep Klein's tail white?  I don't, mainly because I can't count that high.  So do the basic wash (remember car washes?  You are going to do the cheap setting) and let them worry about the details.

By the way, bonus points for you, this is NOT a white horse, it is a grey horse (but we all know it's really white).

Beer makes washing them more fun.

Fetching a horse requires patience, and practice.  If you plan on being around for a while, it's time to start teaching an easier method  of  calling a horse in.  I'm not saying that's why I taught our three (the fourth is still learning) to come on a whistle, but do you really want to walk half a mile in one direction to fetch a horse?  Nah fam, work smarter, not harder.  So you caught a horse, what do you do?  You should be able to put a halter on and use a lead rope to lead (hence the name) a horse back to the barn.  This is an invaluable skill.  Do you know how many horses I've had to catch that escaped?  Well over a hundred.  Wait, what?  We have a hundred?  No, but it is a known FACT that every barn you are at whether you board there, your significant other is at another barn taking a lesson, or you are at a show, there WILL be loose horses at some point.

See pictures about how to hold a lead rope...

Sometimes there isn't a lead rope nearby, what do you do?  Well, you take your belt off and put it around the neck.  Now you have SOMETHING to hold onto while walking the feral equine back to civilization.  Now, you can do the same thing with just a lead rope when you forgot to grab a halter.  I also sometimes wrap one around the nose too if they are being a handful, but lets stick to the basics for this post.

Normal halter/lead rope.

Lead rope around the neck method.

Halter made with a lead rope.

The belt method.

Manual Labor:  Men, let's talk about the elephant in the room.  You are a guy and you can lift heavy thing, open hard jars, and fix things.  This is going to be the BIGGEST help you can do for your crazy horse lady.  One of my sole jobs is horse barn maintenance, and that's okay with me.  Horses like to horse around, and when a 1500-1800lb animal (we have big horses) hits something, it usually breaks.  I am talking fences, chairs, and fans (looking at you Wesson), moving entire barn walls off the foundation (ahem, KLEIN!), knocking off everything hanging up, etc...  If you are not handy with tools and fixing things, you better learn.  Crazy horse ladies, you better learn.  Crazy horse ladies, you better learn some things too because every time I leave the country, shit breaks and Stacey has to fix it.

YouTube is also a great resource for handy man repairs (seeing a trend yet?).  Now, I am not talking about plumbing sinks, running electrical wires, or shingling roofs, but you should know how to mend a fence.  When it comes to lifting heavy things, lift what you can.  I will tell you right now, I have a huge advantage with barn chores because I am 6'3", 270lbs of pure American freedom.  I also go to the gym five days a week, most stuff is pretty easy for me in regard to manual labor.  If your wife gets 200 bales of hay delivered, your ass better be out there helping her put those bales away!  Now remember what I said earlier, work smarter not hard.  I recently bought Stacey a heavy duty wagon to haul hay out into the pasture.  Like I said, most stuff is easy for me but that doesn't mean I have to tire myself out for no reason.

We use the cart only for hauling hay bales out into the pasture.  If you have ever tried carrying a bale by the string for a distance greater than 20 feet, you will understand the pain.

Pasture cleaning and barn cleaning another big thing.  You have to have a poop free pasture and barn to keep the horses happy and healthy.  Some diseases, viruses, and parasites can transfer from horse poop to horse. We all know how to sweep and shovel, grab a broom and start sweeping the barn.  Want to make things easier?  Buy your crazy horse lady something to make barn chores easier for her, but instead it's for you, that's a trade secret.  (Hint, refer to the linked blog post in the beginning)

What is the last thing you can learn?  Take the initiative.  Even if you do something wrong, the fact that you tried means a lot (pretty sure that's relationships 101) as long as you don't endanger yourself or your horses.  Yeah, I have a good five year head start on most horse boyfriends but I learned by doing.  If you do something wrong and the crazy horse lady tells you, check your ego at the door and listen to what they said.  

Ultimately, this is on you, but be honest with your significant other.  If this isn't your thing, tell them.  I know plenty of guys married to horse women who have no input in anything horse related, nor do they even know the names of the horse(s) she owns.  That's ok too because I'm sure they had a discussion about it 20+ years ago.

Last thing, if you were told to read this, ask yourself why?  I asked a bunch of crazy horse women for input, is one of these paragraphs about you?  Maybe you should get out to the barn right now and help...

Hope you guys enjoyed this, if you want to see more Other Half perspectives on horses so your significant others/spouses have something to read, let us know!!

The Dressage Show that Wasn't

Last month I put Ms. B in another dressage show.  Once again we were at a show in the pouring rain because New Jersey's weather is broken this year.  Ms. B warmed up great and into the ring we went.  About halfway through our test I heard the bell.  I knew for sure I didn't have an error on my test so I was surprised and had no idea what the judge saw.  She yelled out to me "Stacey, I don't know if you can see it, but your horse has a bloody leg!"  Cue heart attack.  A bloody leg?!?!?!  I asked her if I could just dismount in the ring and she was happy to see that I even offered to do that.  I jumped down to see Ms. B's left front leg bleeding like someone stabbed her.  I have NO idea how she managed that.

I walked her out of the ring and people in the warm up were asking what happened because that was NOT there two minutes earlier when we went into the ring.  The source of the bleeding was a tiny cut on the inside of her left front, just below the knee.  That is also the front she has a sock on so of course it made the blood show up extremely bright.  I have no idea how she managed to get that cut.  She didn't stumble, she didn't kick herself, and even if she did how would she have gotten a cut that high up her leg??  It's one of those horse mysteries where they hurt themselves and you spend the whole day going over your pasture/barn with a microscope only to find absolutely nothing.

It was pretty much done bleeding by the time we had walked out of the warm up and headed over to the hose.  I hosed her leg off and looked at it closer.  Nothing but that little cut.  She didn't even feel it.  I doubt she ever knew it was there.  I decided to just scratch our next test.  The ladies in the office said I could go back for the next test but I said it was ok I wanted to make sure Ms. B was ok.  You never know.  Better safe than sorry.  Also, I can't guarantee that the cut wouldn't start bleeding again and we would just have the same outcome, the bell.  It was still pouring so I really wasn't that sad to just get Ms. B untacked, loaded, and be on our way.  It was just a schooling show and she was great for the time we were working there.

There was a bit of swelling around the cut and the swelling reminded me of a popped splint, though I have never seen one that was accompanied by an open wound.  After some researching I found and open wound with a popped splint isn't that uncommon.  She was never lame from it.  She just had a chiro adjustment and actually feels amazing right now. 

That little cut wasn't healing too quickly either, so I had the vet come out to see exactly what it was.  I can't deal with guessing about something.  I need to know.  The vet came out and did an ultrasound and found it was definitely not a splint and in fact it is just a small wound.  However, there appeared to be some kind of dirt/debris in it and that is the reason it wasn't healed yet.  SMZs, bute, and a bandage with an Animalintex pad over it for the next five days was the plan.  Whatever was in there would be drawn out.  She also stuck hemostats in there to open it up a little more.  This entire time, B just stood there.  Stood there while she clipped the area around the wound, stood there for the ultrasound like a statue, and also didn't flinch when the vet stuck the hemostats in the wound to open it up more.  She is the best patient.  She puts up with so much.  Even with her SMZs and bute, she takes everything like a champ.  Thought I do mix them with applesauce and put them in a syringe hoping to take some of the nasty taste away.

I wrapped her to keep the elastikon bandage clean and dry since she stays out.

After the second day of Animalintex I did find what appeared to be little pieces of something. 

All cleaned up and ready to be re-bandaged on day two.

Day six, almost healed!

At the end of the five days the cut dried up and healed quickly.  She is feeling and looking GREAT.  She seems to just feel better and better. I have seen her break out some fancy moves in the past week.  I can't wait to bring more of that out under saddle.

Busting out some moves one morning last weekend.

Dapples :)

I totally had no clue she was going to start jumping stuff on her own or I would have been more prepared with video.  I was just letting her run around in the indoor while I looked for her sheet since the weather was so disgusting this week.

Photo Credit:  Sherry J Photography

Hobbies Are Important

Recently I had to go on a work trip that focused on vicarious trauma/severe stress.  For those of you that don't know, my job involves working one on one with people that have been victimized in the worst ways you can imagine, and they range in age from less than 1 year to 50+ years old.  Every single day I deal with incredibly negative things due the nature of the job.  Though I cannot talk about particulars for various reasons, I can talk about the general nature.  I can count on one hand who even can stand to hear about my job.  I have one friend I can think of that I can have an in-depth, intelligent, genuine conversation with about my job and the many aspects of it.  Some people refuse to believe that those around them (maybe even their own family members) are capable of these horrendous crimes.  I've also seen that mindset land people in the very situations that they refused to believe would ever happen to them, but that isn't what this post is about.

Our organization is very concerned about our mental health, and for good reason.  I have seen co-workers' lives crumble under the stress of life and our job at different locations.  I have seen co-workers be admitted to inpatient psychiatric treatment, I have seen them have mental breakdowns, and we have even had some suicides.  Because of all of this combined, I have had to attend a lot of presentations (which are usually very interesting) where we are told over and over again that it isn't a matter of if, but a matter of when vicarious trauma and PTSD will happen to us and how it will manifest itself.  The presentations are given to us by Psychiatrists, Neurobiologists, and Foresnic Psychologists.

We are given screenings and warned about the signs that we need to be aware of because some of them will sneak up on you.  So what does this have to do with horses?  In every single one of these presentations self-care in the form of a hobby is talked about and emphasized.  It doesn't matter what your hobby is. Or it could be something like taking your kid to the park regularly, just SOMETHING.  Something that you do regularly that you enjoy and look forward to.

A big part of why I can handle what my career (and life) throws at me is because of horses (surprise, right?).  I'm being totally serious though.  I can't count how many times I have heard co-workers, and friends with other stressful jobs that expose you to things no one wants to see say things like "man, I need a hobby.  I don't do anything when I go home," or "you're always happy when you talk about your horses, I need something that makes me that happy."  Yeah, you do.  That's seriously detrimental if you don't.

If you are reading this blog, then you are most likely lucky enough that you have found that happiness in horses too.  The whole point of this post is that sometimes I look at stressful days like a battle and I figure out a strategy that will allow me to get my work done and still go ride.  Some days, if I get stressed or have to deal with something severely disturbing thinking about what I'm going to do for my ride(s) that day helps take my mind off of it.  Personally, I find it hard to think of anything negative while riding.  There have been days where I am exhausted and I think "you know what?  I'm just going to go groom them and hang out with them."  Or there are some days I can barely remember my own name (court, trial prep, attending law enforcement interviews are mentally and emotionally draining) and instead of doing whatever I had planned, we just go for a quiet walk.

I forget who made the post, but somewhere out in Facebook land I have seen a post from a pro saying your horse is not your therapist.  That's true and I 100% agree, don't take your crappy day or life situations out on your horse, they don't deserve that, and that is not what they are there for.  However, sometimes a quiet walk is what you need.  Something that takes no real concentration, just time with your horse(s).  As I said earlier, some days I have to look at work like a battle and make a conscious decision that it's not going to win.  I WILL ride my horse(s) that day.  I'm usually able to keep a riding 5-6 days a week schedule without issue because I strategize my work days/week in a way that will still let me ride.  Sometimes that means getting up extra early to ride before work because I know I won't be out of work until late that day because of a particular thing we are doing.

My point is, if riding is your hobby and is what you look forward to (or driving, or grooming, or whatever you do with your horse) you need to make it a priority.  Too many people let it slip down the priority list because of other stresses.  They get home and think, meh, I'll ride tomorrow and end up sitting on their couch all night staring at their cell phone.  GO. OUT. SIDE.  It's not good for you to just let your hobby slip away, and honestly according to all of these professionals, that's the start of a warning sign that will snowball.

I'm sure many of you have stressful jobs that are stressful for a myriad of reasons.  Even if you don't deal with the things nightmares are made of on a daily basis, stress is stress.  It's all relative and it will all wear us down at some point.  Sometimes you may have to re-organize or go through some extra hassle to make that time for your hobby but you NEED to do it.  I've watched co-workers gradually push away hobbies without even realizing it then hear them reminiscing about when they used to spend time doing their hobby and how much they miss it because they love it.  DO NOT let it slip away from you.

Ok, so maybe you have to get up earlier one or two days that week, or maybe you'll get home a little later one or two days that week, or maybe you have to re-arrange your horse schedule a little bit for the week, and maybe that all sounds like a big pain in the ass that will only add more stress.  But it will be worth it to get to that time that you look so forward to and enjoy so much.

Don't take this as continuing to hang out with your horses will cure any mental health struggles you may be having.  If you are finding that you don't look forward to riding, or whatever it may be that you loved so much, that may be a red flag that something more serious is going on.  I know that going for a ride can't cure all your should always be a priority (doesn't have to be #1, but it should be high up on the list), and more importantly, you deserve to have time for it.